Friday’s Five


This week we are going to do 5 things I hate. Mostly because I had to quit smoking today and that makes me a little bitchy. Which is also why f’ing  is written quite frequently.

1. I hate when people get in your way at the store. By this I mean the person who moseys down the aisle like they have no place to be in 5 minutes. Well, the rest of the world does so move it dumb ass. I am also referring to the aisle blockers who put their cart in the middle of the aisle so that no one can pass and then stand there staring at the food/what not for ever. When you go to the store make and f’ing list of what you need so that you don’t stand there and wonder “oh should I get the 14.5 oz or the 28 oz.” MOVE IT! I mean they might as well do like these chicks:

2. This also relates to the store. I hate when people try to race you to the front so that they don’t have to be behind you in line. WTF????? Who does that shit! Stupid people who think “OMG if I don’t get up there then she may get in front of me with her two Items and then I’ll have to wait a whole five minutes longer even though I have an entire cart full of shit i don’t need and if she’s behind me she’ll have to what a whole hour longer.” That’s who. I hate those people.

3. I hate when people make fun of you because they are jealous. It’s one thing to laugh with someone. It’s another to be an ass because you hate your life and they love theirs. Get over yourself. You could love your life if you opened your eyes and realized how f’ing great you have it. Okay. Got that out. I feel better now.  But seriously,  it’s not cool to make people feel bad to make yourself feel better.

 

4. I hate when my husband says “whoa there tiger” when I’m eating and I do something fat ass like. For example, I attempt to put food in my mouth with a spoon and completely miss there by spilling it all over me and he says “whoa there tiger. slow down.” First of all, I’m not an f’ing kid. I don’t need you to tell me to slow down. Second, I already feel like a dorkus for not being able to apparently eat with a simple spoon and thus do not need you making me feel more dorky and fat.

5. I hate when I’m right and my mom gives me the “you’re wrong” look. My mom thinks that she’s the only one that knows anything. Dont’ get me wrong here (no pun intended) she is highly intelligent but for some reason thinks that all of her children are “slow.” It doesn’t matter to her that we all have college degrees and did well in school.  She still thinks we are idiots and that because she “read” one article on something she is an expert. While she is an expert on being the best mom in the world, she is not an expert on everything.

Ya, I got new glasses...so? by laura the artist.

this is actually pretty close to the look she does

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