The worlds most annoying door to door sales person

So yesterday I was on the phone with my older sister K.  Mid conversation she answers the door.  All of the sudden I hear a very perky female just start spouting words out of her mouth. At first I though my sister would just tell her “no thanks” and shut the door. However, this chica wouldn’t even let her get that much out. I spent about five minutes listening over the phone to this girl’s spiel about selling magazines for her college something or other. All I kept thinking is “when is this girl going to breath?” Then I hear her say something about after she has reviewed the product with my sister she has a few questions to ask about her performance. This is how the rest of the conversation went:

K- “Okay”

Girl- “And OH MY GOD if I get so many points then I also get a trip to the Bahamas and I’m only like 6,569 points away. ISN’T THAT AWESOME. You could so help me get that trip. Oh and also if you want I can stand in your front yard and do a dance and sing a song if you would like. So K what do you like to do?….(5 second delay) I see you have some sheet rock here. Are you the one doing the sheet rocking?…(2 second delay) My uncle does sheet rock and he taught me a song about it. Do you want to hear it? (singing) rock around the sheet rock were gonna rock around the sheet rock, rock rock rock, all day long.(Done singing) Isn’t that great. I know, right? So, K what do you like to do? (2 second delay) Do you like wine? You know it’s all about drinking the wine. You could get a magazine about wine or cheese or food. Wouldn’t you like that? Oh, and also, (me in the background ‘K has she even taken a breath yet?’ ‘oh and ask her where she gets her Speed from.’) if you have a minor in the house… Do you have a spouse? No, what about a boyfriend? (K squeezes in a ‘No.’) What no boyfriend!? What about kids? Do you have any of those? Or what about nieces or nephews?”

K- “Yes, one niece who is 7 months old.”
Girl- “Oh my God you could so get something for her. What do you like to do K? (me- ‘is she going to let you at least answer her this time?’) because we have all kinds of magazine. You know you want to get American Cowboy. You could get it and just look at the hot guys in it.”

K- “Why don’t you come back later when my mother is here. She will probably get a few magazines as she does it every year around this time for the family as gifts.”

Girl- “NO. I can’t do that. It’s against the rules. We are not allowed to come to a house more than one time. See, if I go to a house and the people inside don’t answer the door because they’re in the bathroom taking a poop then someone else comes by later and they answer the door and buy from them then I just lost a sale because of poop. (me- ‘did she really just say that?’) So like this is the only time I can come to this house. It’s all about the first impression, you know?”

K- “Well, it will be the first time my mother sees you so you will still have your first impression.”

Girl- “Ms. K I CANNOT do that. You know you could just get something like ‘Shape.’ Do you like to work out? Or if you don’t you could just get.,……… (me- ‘K, I need you to take her picture and send it to me. Do it please! I’m going to hang up now.”

Five minutes later I call my sister K and the girl is STILL at the door rambling about whatever crap she can think of. I tell K to get the picture and hang up again. Another five minutes later I call back and THE GIRL IS STILL THERE! I tell K “OH MY GOD. Buy something so she will go away, but get her picture first and send it to me.” So then K proceeds to tell the girl that I want her picture because I want to see what this really perky girl looks like to see if it fits the pic in my head. Then the girl proceeds to ramble on about how her look totally matches her personality. WHATEVER SHUT UP! So this is what she looks like (and yes, I did blur her face but that is for liability reasons)

Because OMG She's #1

Because OMG She's #1

I will say this though. Her diarrhea mouth tactic worked because K so bought a subscription to Weight Watchers! BTW this is EXACTLY what I had pictured in my head 🙂

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