I Really HATE Bee’s!

That is pretty much what my face looked like and the bee.......

     Today Nuthead and I decided to go out back and play. We’ve been doing this for several days now and EVERY time we are out there, there is this GIGANTIC bee that pesters us. He keeps buzzing up in our faces and around our heads. So today I decided that I would get the fly swatter and kill it. BIG MISTAKE! Being so talented at the art of bee killing I COMPLETELY missed the stupid bee. This REALLY pissed the bee off. So he buzzed all around me and then flew off. I THOUGHT we were in the clear. OH HELL NO we weren’t! He just flew off to find his BIG ASS BEE FRIEND! All of the sudden there is the world’s largest bee attempting to dive bomb me and nuthead. I swoop her up yelling something about “that is the world’s largest fucking bee!” and run in to the screened in patio. All the while Nuthead is laughing because she thinks Mommy is being silly. This may have been because of the OMG Bee dance that I invented while attempting to save our lives from a Killer Bee. Imagine a chubby blonde haired lady flailing about screaming “I FUCKING HATE BEES” and you have an idea of what I looked like.
     You would think that the bee saga would be over but it is not. After flailing about and running from the killer bee Nuthead and I went inside. Avid that we are going to enjoy this beautiful day I decide that we can play in the front yard. Well, we were doing just fine until you know who found us! OMG This bee flew all the fuck away around my house and started chasing us again! I swoop up Nuthead and make a beeline (ha ha ha see what I did there!) for the front door. Only…… we’re locked out 😦 WTF????? Not the best time to be locked out of the friggin’ house! I put Nuthead down and dodge the bees to get to the hide-a-key, get the key and book it back to the front door. Again, Nuthead thinks this is all funny…… I get us inside and settled and decide to put the key back in it’s hiding place. I open the front door and GUESS WHO IS STILL FUCKING THERE??? Yup! Mr. Bee is literally facing the door waiting for me to come back out. I’m all FUCK NO and slam the door. The stupid key can wait. About 5 minutes later I look out the kitchen window to see if the path is clear. HOLY CRAP the stupid bee is still there. Waiting. About and hour later I go onto the back patio and wouldn’t you know it he’s back there buzzing around.
     I called Hubby to tell him that I am in need of Bee Killer ammunition because a war has been waged. He’s all “they don’t make bee killer. Just nest killer.” I’m all “Well, don’t they make ‘Kill Things that sting you spray????!!!” He laughed at me……
     For the record I don’t normally curse in front of my child but I REALLY FUCKING HATE BEES! I prefer not to get stung, massively swell up, and have to go to the doctor to get a shot.


Filed under Insects

2 responses to “I Really HATE Bee’s!

  1. LJ

    You knowwwwwwwww how I feel about this one. Bees suck!

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