Tag Archives: doctor

There is Always One

Today I had to go to the doctor because I am yet again sick
with the crud. There is apparently an unspoken rule that once you
birth a child you are no longer allowed to be sick. Lets face it a
22 month old could give a shit if you don’t feel well. They are
still going to jump on your face whilst yelling “MAMA MAMA” at the
top of there tiny but deceiving lungs. So this morning I drag
myself out of bed with the intentions of going to the doc in the
box, get a make me feel better ASAP miracle shot in my ass, and
then hit the grocery store. Thankfully hubby got up to tend to the
little one so I didn’t have to drag her along with me. Am I ever
glad I didn’t bring her because I was there for 4 hours! I got
there at 8:30am. I knew there would be a bit of a wait as the
parking lot was full, but not FOUR HOURS! So I sign in. I wait. And
wait. At 9:30 they call me to the window. Yes, I’m next!
Nope……. They just need my co-pay and insurance info. I pay and
go back to waiting. And waiting….. Then 10:30 the nurse calls me.
You would think, as I did, I am on my way to being seen by the
doctor. Nope. They are just getting ny intake info (height, weight-
their scale LIES!, etc.) so then I’m told to wait some more until a
room is available. I wait.
That is when this old lady enters. She
clearly thinks she is on deaths door and should be seen immediately
but is not going to say it directly. Instead she is going to sit in
the lobby and sniffle/cough/sneeze in the most dramatic of fashions
while holding one of the tissues from the box she brought with her
but hid under her coat (because people care????) Now, keep in mind
that EVERYONE in this lobby is sniffling, sneezing, &
coughing. It’s just that time of year. Most of us
cough/sniffle/sneeze as gently as possible into our office supplied
tissues so as to not infect those already afflicted with even more
germs. But NOOOOOO not Old Lady Drama Queen. With every cough,
sneeze, and or sniffle she makes a complete show of it by doing it
as loud as possible with a GIANT sigh and then moan as to ensure it
is heard by the front office staff (who quite honestly do not give
a rats ass because bless their hearts they were doing the best they
could given there was one doctor and like 50 patients.) Then she
procedes to pester them by checking every 10 minutes to see if it’s
her turn yet. Ummm….. No biotch it’s not. It’s now 11:30 and I
haven’t been seen yet and I was here at 8:30! Each time she would
inquire and get the same response (“we are seeing patients as
quickly as we can. Please be seated and listen for your name to be
called.”) and each time she would do this pitiful face and cough
and then sit back down. These people irritate me, and quite
honestly I am way more easily irritated when I feel like crap. They
irritate me because they don’t think they should have to wait like
everyone else. Either they think they are more sick than others or
too good to wait with the “common” folk. People like that need to
just get over theirselves and realize that they are on the same
level as everyone else and they are just going to have to wait. She
probably thinks that Obama’s health care plan is going to solve
this for her, however, she’s in for a rude awakening (they’ll just
tell her- after she has waited twice as long- that she’s too old
for medicine so she should just go crawl in a hole and shrivel up
and die.) Anyways, back to my original tangent. I was able to snag
a photo of her pre-sneeze/cough. Photobucket Pictures, Images and Photos This was taken right before I was FINALLY called
back to a room. When I left at 12:30 she was still out there in
full on drama coughing mode. I don’t know how long she waited but I
hope the staff intentionally skipped her and made her wait like 6
hours P.S. My ass still farking hurts from the shot I got
😦

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Now we can add doctor to her list of AWESOMNESS

Okay so not only is my child going to be an olympic swimmer but she is also going to be a doctor. Over the weekend mr. bear was in a freak accident where he was some how thrown on the floor. Not to worry though LC came to the rescue. First she performed CPR:

Note that her mouth to mouth technique is through the nose as to prevent the spread of disease

Note that her mouth to mouth technique is through the nose as to prevent the spread of disease

Then she noticed that he had something sticking out of him:

Note her steady hands while examining Mr. Bear.

Note her steady hands while examining Mr. Bear.

LC tried multiple methods to remove the unidentified object but had to resort to using experimental and unapproved medical procedures in order to save Mr. Bears life. I mean it was touch and go…….

Using the "tooth" removal technique

Using the "tooth" removal technique

There were some stressful moments, as stated it was touch and go, and there were times that she wasn’t sure he was going to make it:

LC unsure about how Mr. Bear is going to pull through

LC unsure about how Mr. Bear is going to pull through

We thought we had lost Mr. Bear

We thought we had lost Mr. Bear

 

But in the end after all of the experimental procedures, blood, sweat, and tears…. okay, maybe just tears:

HE'S ALIVE!!!!!!!

HE'S ALIVE!!!!!!!

So there you have it. Not only will my Princess be an olympic swimmer but she will also be a doctor. 🙂

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Why that’s a big head you have

Hey look at me I'm a big girl!

Hey look at me I'm a big girl!

 

So it’s been like 4 days since my nut head has pooped, but this morning she was kind enough to leave me a Hershey’s kiss in her diaper. I think she did this because she knows that if she doesn’t poop by day four I will give her a poopinator (aka glycerin suppository.) So she huffed and puffed and left me an early birthday present.

It’s morning and I tell dear hubby Billy that today is LC’s dr. appointment so I will be BUSY all day (like I’m super important or something.) He’s all “Okay, whatever.” I’m all: “Hey, I’m super busy I don’t have time to talk on the phone or play on the computer all day.” Then he’s all looking at me like I’m crazy. Then I tell him, I’ve been reading way too many sarcastic humor blogs lately and he should just bear with me.

So I took LC to the doctor for her 6 month well check up. Okay so maybe I told her we were going to the park but really we were going to the doctor. I know, I know, it’s mean but hey she’ll forget about it by…. see she already forgot. While walking in the door Billy calls me. I’m all: “(Sigh) yes?” Him: “What are you doing?” Me: “I’m at the doctor with LC.” (Said in an “as if” tone.) Him: “Oh yeah, I’ll call you later.” Me: “Yeah, that would be best because I’m SUPER busy being a mommy right now.” Okay, so I took her for her check up and she is doing GREAT! Even though she was two months premature she does everything and more that a 6 month old should do. See, I told you she’s a super genius. GO LC! She even told the doctor all about how she is the prettiest girl in the world and smartest on earth too! Well it sounded more like “aya ya yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa, agooooooooooooooooooo, pbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbllllllllllllllllllll.” Which translated says I’m the prettiest and smartest little girl in the world.” So the doc says she’s thoroughly impressed with LC’s development (ahem… ahem… thank you, thank you.. First I would like to thank my mom for being a great example, then God for everything else.) She then proceeds to tell me that while for length and weight she’s in the 50th percentile but that her head is still in the…… 95th. Then she laughs. This is mostly because the last time LC was there we had to have a whole discussion on how her head is growing REALLY fast and then I was all, “she totally gets her big head from me :(” (that’s me frowning as I tell the doctor this.) So this time she just laughs at me about my big ass head.

So the doc decides to check LC for anemia (she had it at birth) A nurse comes in who instantly falls in love with LC (I mean really, who doesn’t.) She pricks LC’s finger and LC acts like she’s all big and bad and it doesn’t even hurt. But then the nurse who ALWAYS gives her shots came in. She saw her and instantly cried. Um….. wow that is some kind of power because LC doesn’t cry hardly EVER! So then that nurse gets upset and is all, “Angel, you giver her her shots. She already hates me.” I’m all “um…. could we just do this.” We proceed. Now, what ensues is not meant to be mean but damn this shit is funny. When LC was getting her shots she did the silent cry. You know the one where the face is all scrunched up, mouth wide open, tears streaming, but NO NOISE. This made me about fall out laughing. Not sure why, but it’s hilarious when she does this. After I get her chilled out we go home. Okay, so I cheated on my diet and went to Arby’s and then we went home. Geesh people, let it go. It gave me heartburn anyways, so I learned my lesson.

I get the cutie home and settle her into her swing. She naps a little and wakes up to eat. She gets  some of her bottle down and then I have the BRILLIANT idea (because she was being a poo poo head about finishing her bottle) to try and let her drink it out of the bottle like it’s a cup. Well, my brilliant idea turned out to be the WORST ever. While I had it to her lips she hit the bottle with her hand and the formula poured ALL over her face. It was like she had just taken a milk bath. Well, technically she had a milk facial. Whatev. At first she didn’t realize what had happened but had a look of shock on her face that quickly changed to a look of horror. Needless to say I cleaned her up and fed her the bottle the normal way. Lets just say that she was NOT  a poop head about it this time.

This time I’m going to giver her tylenol every four hours in order to avoid having demon child emerge.

Now she is laying on the floor pushing herself in circles while making raspberries with her lips.  See why I call her nut head.

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