OMG we moved in this house after this expired!
EWWWWWWWW DO NOT DRINK
So today I decided that I would go though our kitchen cabinets and get rid of anything that had expired. First of all, we had about 10 cans of black beans and 10 cans of evaporated milk???? Why? I have no idea, but since the black beans weren’t expired I would suggest that you don’t stand downwind from me for a few weeks. The evaporated milk was about a year past expired so I chunked it. At first I was all “Maybe I should donate this to the food pantry?” Then I was all, “wouldn’t it be sort of, like, degrading to give them past due foods?”
Me: Here’s some food for your donation center
Donation center: “Um… gee thanks for the expired food? Are you trying to kill off the needy?”
So….. yeah I wound up throwing it in the trash can because then I was all if someone REALLY needs expired evaporated milk that bad and they happen to be dumpster diving then they can have it. I also threw away approximately 1,002,853.5 packets of tea bags because we NEVER drink tea in this house unless my in-laws are here and then all of the sudden dear hubby is all “OMG WHY DON’T WE HAVE TEA????” And then I politely remind him that he is a DAMN YANKEE and refuses drink tea the correct way, sweetened, and thus we don’t make it. Until your parents come. Then you decide that you do like tea. And vegetables. But whatever.
yeah.... that got drank right up......
except... oh wait.... no it did not........
In the end I wound up with not one, not two, but THREE garbage bags full of expired or stale food. That is just too much wasted food in my opinion. SOMEONE, ahem ahem self, needs to stop buying impulse foods, and stick to the grocery list.
First I read about this thing called a Bathynomus giganteus then I read about a Sheep Pig.
OMG! Seriously this is starting to creep me out. WTFudge other cross-bred mutant creatures are there out there. Do I need to start looking out for birds with rat heads???
I totally found this picture AFTER I wrote that! OMG HELP ME NOW! I am seriously creeped out now. I am so going to have nightmares and not sleep much. Not because of the sheep pig but the bird rat thing. Why I do this to myself I will never know. It’s like the time I watched River Monsters with my husband. Now I don’t even want to think about that again……I didn’t sleep for two nights.
Okay, so Nuthead is particularly attached to this one blanket/toy thingy (we call it a “lovey” but most call them “security blankets.”) Since she came home from the hospital she has had this lovey. It’s purple with a bear head on it. She loves this thing. She chews on it, throws it around, sleeps with it, travels with it, and IT MUST BE WHEREVER SHE IS AT ALL TIMES. If you happen to be able to pry it from her fingers she will point and yell at it if it’s in her visual field. So we have to occasionally hide it in order to wash it. I have washed this thing at least twice a week for I have no idea how long. And it still looks like this:
The Chosen One- I promise I have washed it more times than I care to count
It started off purple. Now it’s a unique color of gag me and purple. The only thing that I can think of that has caused these stains is the fact that the thing is permanently in her mouth. She will literally sit and suck on it. When the area that she is sucking on get’s too wet she turns it to a new area and begin again. Now, I don’t have a problem with her doing this as it keeps her from putting other things in her mouth that she shouldn’t (like the princess toys she got at her birthday- Sorry Cinderella but apparently your head appeared tasty to her.) No worries those Cinderella was rescued and no harm was done. And once the lovey was out of the wash all Princess and Little People toys were safe again. Whew. I was worried about them for a second. Anyways. I got tired of looking and this one and decided that she needs a new one. I thought for sure that it wouldn’t matter. I grabbed my Target gift card and ventured off on a mission. I looked for one that was similar to the one she has but no such luck. So then I decided to just get one that was already brown so that if it gets stained no one will notice, right? So that’s how we ended up with this one:
The Unworthy One- I thought it was fitting for her since she is part monkey!
Well, apparently we DO NOT LIKE THIS ONE. She wants nothing to do with it. She first looked at it and then looked at me like “WTF is that?” My husband then tried to get her to play with it and she threw it at him and walked off. Um….. you’re one. I don’t think you get to do that yet. Also, that wasn’t very nice to Mr. Monkey or Daddy. Anyways, I gave it a few days to see if she would gradually take to it. No such luck. So, in an attempt to save money I had to go online and hunt down an exact replica. We now have two in route to the house due to be here by Friday.
Note that the "little person" in the background is now safe and kissing the ground in thankfulness of my swift actions to save it.
So Since I am the best Mommy EVER (that’s me tooting my own horn :)) I retrieved the hidden old lovey and washed it for her to have until Friday.
What in the world possessed this person to attract attention to their disgusting freakish abnormally placed tuft of body hair. That is stupid and gross. This actually made me gag when I saw it. Keep in mind I change dirty diapers and wipe up spit up all day.