Tag Archives: mom

Swifter vs Swiffer


Mom: Hey do you have one of those Swifters?
Me: “um….. You mean a Swiffer?” (confused look on face)
Mom: “Nooooooo…. A Swifter.” (said with confidence)
Me: “is it green with a changable pad?”
Mom: “Yeah, a Swifter.”
Me: “That’s a Swiffer…..”
Mom: “Well, MINE is a Swifter!”
Me “Oh did you get a generic one?” (so confused at tnis point)
Mom: “no. It’s the name brand one.”
Me: “Mom, it’s called a Swiffer.”
Mom: “Google it.” (this is her answer to everything)
Me: “Fine” i google it and show her it’s called a Swiifer.
Mom: “well, that can’t be right!”
Me: Shaking my head and laughing

Oh mom, you’re visits are always entertaining 🙂

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Tribute to Mom for Mother’s Day


My Beautiful Mother and Her First Born Daughter

Growing up I would have told you that I have the world’s most embarrassing mom. I look back now and realize just how lucky I am to have the mom I do. My sisters and I used to get so annoyed when she would sing the “boo boo” song to us, but now I find myself doing it to Stinkerbell. I can also remember curling up with her and watching her crime shows before bed. I too do this with my Stinkerbell. We used to pick at her about her choices in music (I remember how mysteriously “Caribbean Christmas” disappeared from the car before a road trip to Granny and Pop’s house.)

I also remember a mother who was always there to help with our homework, take us to whatever activities we had, and did it all with a smile on her face. She never complained when we stained our new clothes or asked her for the umpteenth thousandth time “why can’t I?” She always greeted us every morning with a hug and kiss no matter how mad we were at her when we went to bed the night before.

She was a perfect balance of strict and loving. When I was a kid I always thought that she was “so unfair” and “never wants us to have any fun.” I now realize, she was one of the most fair people I have ever known and that we had tons of fun. Being a kid I didn’t rationalize that all those trips to the beach, amusement parks, skating rinks, etc were privileges and that just because I didn’t get to go to ONE event didn’t make her “unfair” or “the meanest mommy on Earth.”

One of my Mom’s talents is sewing. When we were kids she used to make us all kinds of clothes.  I would get so mad because instead of buying me that new “designer shirt” my Mom would say “I can make that.” So, thus, I either didn’t get it or she made me one in some hideous print. Now, I love when she makes my little Stinkerbell clothes. I think they are the cutest, most wonderful, and my favorite outfits. I wish I could sew like her so I could make these things for my daughter. Thankfully, my Mom being the smart woman that she is, saved some of these outfits in case one of her kids wants it for their kid.

Having a child of my own now, I realize just how much she loved each and every one of her kids. There is nothing that I wouldn’t do to make my child the best she can be and I know that my mother did this for me.  My mom is a wonderful role model as a woman. She is a mother, sister, daughter, aunt, grandmother, and friend to so many. She loves with all of her heart and soul. She is ALWAYS there when you need her and when you think you don’t need her, but really, deep down inside you’re glad she’s there. The greatest thing that my Mom ever did for me was to be my Mom. Because of her, I’ve learned how to be the best mom possible to my daughter.

Mom, I know that everything you have ever done for me was out of love. For this, I am forever in debt to you. Thank you for all of your sacrifices, for always believing in me (even when I didn’t), pushing me when I needed it, guiding me when I was lost, comforting me when I was hurting, and most importantly loving me. You are by far the most amazing woman I have the pleasure of knowing. Also, now that I’m not 14 anymore, I am proud that you are my mom. I wouldn’t want it any other way.

p.s. I am TOTALLY SORRY for being a brat when I was a kid. I blame it on K and J though. 🙂

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Okay, so only my sister will understand how the title relates to this one but I felt it was necessary so just go with me on it. When I was about 12/13 my parents got divorced. It was a tough time for my mother because for the past 20 years she was a stay at home mom who rarely did any kind of yard work. Right when my parents separated my mom realized that there were things that she was going to have to figure out how to do. For example, mowing the lawn. Now, yes, as a child one of our chores was to mow the lawn. However, my mother decided that she was going to do this on her own. So she slathers herself in sunblock, puts on her most brightly purple colored visor, and a pair shorts that I don’t recall ever seeing her wear before of since. She and I go to the backyard and I show her how to prime the motor and pull the cord to start the motor. She pumps the bilge several times then yanks back on the cord only to go flying backwards, land on her butt, and spin around in circles. I, being 12/13 immediately busted out laughing and just about peed myself because it was so funny. My mom didn’t think it was as funny. She got upset and started to cry. After a few minutes of self reassurance she got back up on her feet, wiped herself off, and went for it again. This time, it started. And you know what, she mowed the lawn for the first time. After the divorce was final she did the same thing. She stood back up and went at it again. Guess what. She’s still going strong. I love you mom!

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OMG Mom!

Seriously my mom drives me crazy sometimes. All I said on the phone was that Princess is not a big eater. I just got an hour long lecture about how children eat, using an “on demand” feeding schedule (which I don’t), and how if I let her know I’m worried about her eating then she will use it to manipulate me. Um….. I never said I was worried about her eating. As a matter of fact MOM I said that she is growing and developing fine so I’m not worried about her being a picky eater. Also, I don’t use a demand feeding schedule as there is way too much shit for me to do in the day and she will eat when scheduled because that is what normal people do anyways. I will say that I am glad she called because I may have forgotten that she is coming to visit tomorrow….. oops
omg shut up

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Mom, if I wanted a lecture I’d go back to school….

So my mom came down for her monthly visit with her granddaughter. I generally look forward to these visits as I want LC to bond with her. However, my mom continues to treat my like a 16 year old despite the fact that I have graduated college, have started my own family, and in less than one month will be 30.  Upon her arrival I tell her if she wants she can watch LC while I go to the grocery store or she can come with us. She decides to come with. Damn. So I load everybody up and away we go. Apparently taking your mother to the grocery store means that you get an hour long lecture on healthy food. Seriously. I’m on weight watchers mom. It’s ALL healthy. Also, while at the store my mom decides she wants to make smoothies. So I say “Okay.” The following conversation ensues:
Me: “Make sure it’s fat free yogurt.”

Mom: “Well, I don’t want aspartame.”

Me: “Mom, for the hundredth time Aspartame is perfectly fine for you.”
Mom: “Well, also I don’t want phenylalanine in mine.”

Me: “Why, you don’t have PKU disease.”
Mom: “Well, how do you know that?”
Me: “Because they would have tested you at birth and you would be dead by now from all of your previous exposure to phenylalanine.”

Mom: “You don’t know that.”

Me: “Yes, I do. I used to write background summaries for adoptions. All children are tested at birth. All background summaries have to have the results of that test in them. I also have to explain why they have to have the test and what the results mean.”

Mom: “Well, I’m just saying that I can’t have it.”

Me: “Fine. You get your yogurt and I’ll get mine.”

So we each get our yogurt and continue on. I tell her I need to get my cereal. Now, as previously stated I’m on weight watchers. I get the Great Value Brand Strawberry Mini Spooners. They are 4 points. It’s my treat every once in a while. I proceed to pick up the bag and put it in the cart. My mother then proceeds to go “Tsk Tsk Tsk” (finger action and all.) Then she tells me I need to get something that has more fiber in it. WTF mom. It has plenty of fiber in it and I eat well over the daily recommendations. I tell her to stop. She then stares at me as if I have just completed the most heinous act in the world. I tell her “This is why I don’t like you going to the store with me. I know how to eat healthy. I DO eat healthy.” Keep in mind the rest of the cart was full of nothing but healthy food. She then gets mad at me and continues to stare me down while saying “Stop it.” I turn and continue walking. This is the thousandth time I have had this argument with my mother. The rest of the trip to the store continues with a few more minor incidents.

So my mom leaves and goes to her aunts house for two days. On her way back to her house she has decided to stop by the house and visit again. Great. She calls when she gets to Clanton and says she is going to the peach farm and wants to know if I would like any peaches. I say, sure that would be awesome. When she gets there she calls me. I asked her what other produce do they have out. She rattles off a list of melons that I tell her no to. Then she says “Oh, they have some figs.” I say “Oh, cool, get me some of those.” Then she says “Do you even know what figs are?” Yes, mom, I’m not an idiot.

On a final note, I love my mother. She is the best mother in the world. However, every visit has some lecture in it of crap I already know, or how I should do this instead of that. Ugh……….


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