Today I went to Hellmart to do some grocery shopping. I go inside, mind my own business, get what I need, and then leave only to find that apparently the world’s biggest ASSHOLE was somewhere in close proximity to my car.
Tag Archives: walmart
Today I had to go to hell on earth, also known as wal-mart. I hate going to this particular one because every oblivious person in the world shops there. Also, it was 10 am sat. so everyone and their mother was there. I was able to successfully navigate around most of the blundering boobs but there were a few unavoidables in there. For example the cashier who decided to tell the poor sap in front of me all about misquitos. Really….. (insert eye roll here.) I’m pretty sure the guy in front of me could care less. Why do I not care, you may be thinking. Well mostly because 1. They are bugs and 2. It’s JANUARY! However she was kind enough to inform us that she knows all of this because her “husband works in pest control.” um…… I’m pretty sure that doesn’t make her an expert, but that’s just my opinion. Then it was my turn to check out. Yay. She proceeded to tell me she was fine but I don’t recall asking her. Also I don’t like it when people I don’t know touch me and she kept touching the arm of my jacket and asking me questions. Finally I was done and went to leave. This is where I encountered yet more unavoidables. Two of the worlds WIDEST women decided the entrance/exit would be the best place for them to come to a dead stop to remove thier coats. Sigh 😦 Though annoyed I waited patiently because really there was NO way around them.
This week we are going to do 5 things I hate. Mostly because I had to quit smoking today and that makes me a little bitchy. Which is also why f’ing is written quite frequently.
1. I hate when people get in your way at the store. By this I mean the person who moseys down the aisle like they have no place to be in 5 minutes. Well, the rest of the world does so move it dumb ass. I am also referring to the aisle blockers who put their cart in the middle of the aisle so that no one can pass and then stand there staring at the food/what not for ever. When you go to the store make and f’ing list of what you need so that you don’t stand there and wonder “oh should I get the 14.5 oz or the 28 oz.” MOVE IT! I mean they might as well do like these chicks:
2. This also relates to the store. I hate when people try to race you to the front so that they don’t have to be behind you in line. WTF????? Who does that shit! Stupid people who think “OMG if I don’t get up there then she may get in front of me with her two Items and then I’ll have to wait a whole five minutes longer even though I have an entire cart full of shit i don’t need and if she’s behind me she’ll have to what a whole hour longer.” That’s who. I hate those people.
3. I hate when people make fun of you because they are jealous. It’s one thing to laugh with someone. It’s another to be an ass because you hate your life and they love theirs. Get over yourself. You could love your life if you opened your eyes and realized how f’ing great you have it. Okay. Got that out. I feel better now. But seriously, it’s not cool to make people feel bad to make yourself feel better.
4. I hate when my husband says “whoa there tiger” when I’m eating and I do something fat ass like. For example, I attempt to put food in my mouth with a spoon and completely miss there by spilling it all over me and he says “whoa there tiger. slow down.” First of all, I’m not an f’ing kid. I don’t need you to tell me to slow down. Second, I already feel like a dorkus for not being able to apparently eat with a simple spoon and thus do not need you making me feel more dorky and fat.
5. I hate when I’m right and my mom gives me the “you’re wrong” look. My mom thinks that she’s the only one that knows anything. Dont’ get me wrong here (no pun intended) she is highly intelligent but for some reason thinks that all of her children are “slow.” It doesn’t matter to her that we all have college degrees and did well in school. She still thinks we are idiots and that because she “read” one article on something she is an expert. While she is an expert on being the best mom in the world, she is not an expert on everything.
My husband has this habit of stacking papers on the counter “to be filed.” Only we don’t have anywhere to file it. So after five years of this I put my foot down and told him to either buy a new desk with drawers in it for files or buy a filing cabinet. To my suprise he said “okay.” I was in shock. What???? No arguing about how that cost money! So the next day I went online and found several that I liked. I emailed him the links and told him to pick one and buy it immediately. Once again, he said “okay” and bought one the same day! HOLY CRAP I HAVE NEW FOUND POWERS! So on Monday he ordered the desk and it arrived on Wednesday. I’m thinking great this 150 pound box of wood is going to sit in the foyer for like three weeks before he moves it to the bedroom. Then it will sit in the bedroom for three more weeks until it gets put together. So, I tell my husband I want the desk put up this weekend. Well, I’ll be a ham sandwich, you know what that boy did…… He put it up on Sunday! Yay Bill! So finally we have a place to put files and a new desk 🙂
The desk is from Walmart.com. It had approximately 1 million parts to assemble. If you think I’m kidding see the photos below! It took my hubby approximately four hours to put it together and he literally soaked a towel with sweat (then he tried to have me use that same towel later after my shower…..ewwwwwww!) I did NOT use that towel and promptly made him get me a new clean one! Anyways, I am still in shock over my new ability to make my husband do stuff promptly. Usually it takes like ten times of asking him, and then I just wind up doing it myself or having my husband’s dad do it when he visits.
So today I went to Wal-Mart to get a few things. I parked next to this reeeeeeeeeeealllllllly dirty van. Someone had written “sara is stupid” in the dirt on the car. So I decided that it would be funny to write back “no I’m not.” Amidst my act of vandalism the owner of the car walked up. All of the sudden I hear “are you having fun?” I reply with “yes, are you the owner.” Him: “Yes, (chuckle).” I proceed to inform him that I am Sara and I don’t agreethat I am stupid so I felt it necessary to respond. Thankfully he caught my humor and laughed it off. Whew…….close one…….