Most Over Dramatic Moment Ever….

This weekend is my daughter’s first birthday party. So yesterday I went to Sam’s Club to purchase some items for the party (chips, juice, etc.) While I was there I decided that I would go ahead and renew my membership since it was about to expire in a week. So I go to the line at the customer service desk. I wait, patiently for my turn. Finally when it is my turn I begin to head down the lane. If you don’t know about Sam’s they have these extra-wide carts. Seriously, it has two child seats in the top part (which rocks when you only have one kid because then you can put your diaper bag next to the kid and the kid is totally entertained for the entire shopping trip.) So, back to the story. I head down the lane and come upon a rather large lady blocking the way. She is standing at the counter signing the vendor book. Now, know that there was an ENTIRE other part of the counter not in the “lane” for customers to go down that she could have been doing her business at. But no. She’s not. She’s right in the fucking way of everyone and she is HUGE. So I approach her and it begins:

me: “Excuse me.” (waiting) “Excuse me.”

she does not move. I know she can freaking hear me because the dude on the phone right next to her looks at me and moves out of the way. So, I attempt to take my extra-wide cart around her fat ass. Well, guess what. Yup, I nudged her. BARELY and she’s all:
Fatty: “OH MY GAWD” and grabs her side (the wrong side that I didn’t even hit)

Fatty: “OH JESUS OH GAWD

Me: “Oh my, I’m so sorry.”

FATTY: “OH GAWD THAT HURT OH JESUS
Me: “are you okay. I’m really sorry. I said excuse me and I didn’t mean to hit you.”

FATTY: “WELL I GUESS SO! OH GAWD OH JESUS” (now she is grabbing her side and doubling over……..)- also everyone is staring at us……

Me: (completely annoyed at the level of dramatics this has reached) “Well, then next time someone says excuse me maybe you should move.”

She clearly does not have a prescription to this......

I then proceed on because WTF?????? I barely tapped her on her LEFT side and she is clearly grabbing her RIGHT side. Also I BARELY TAPPED HER! My child just knocked her fucking tooth out and handled it better than she did. I mean seriously lady. I bet she’s going to try and claim workers comp or some crap like that. I hope they tell her to shove it if she does because I swear I will testify for her company  that she is an overdramatic fat ass who should get out of a customers way when they politely say excuse me TWICE. Also, I will counter sue her for detriment to my child for having exposed her to whatever the fuck that was.

So then I push my way over to the cashier and the cashier goes:
Nice cashier lady: “Don’t worry about her.”
Me: “Does she work here? Is she always like that?”
Nice cashier lady  (who is laughing the WHOLE time): “She’s a vendor. Don’t worry about her.”
Me: “WELL I THINK SOMEONE WAS BEING OVER DRAMATIC.” (This would be the point were the vendor glares at me and walks off, just fine mind you.)

Cashier (laughing harder now): “What can I help you with today?”

Moral of this story: Don’t be over-fucking dramatic about being tapped with a grocery cart when CLEARLY it was your fault. Okay, not ALL your fault but still you were over dramatic. Okay, the real moral is that I will fucking care about it until you go that step beyond. Then I will fucking embarrass the shit out of you. Don’t fuck with me. The end.